The Right Decision?

I watch YouTube when I'm bored, and I've been watching a lot of U of Michigan grad videos. If you don't know the videos, then you should look them up because they are freaking awesome! Also when I'm bored, I have been thinking (again) about the impending date I move into my dorm at Loyola. I wish I would have done my homework on colleges. I kind of feel like I settled on Loyola. I kind of wish that I would have realized earlier that I want to do musical theater for the rest of my life and would have actually looked at colleges that have Musical Theater majors, specifically U of Mich. Don't get me wrong. Loyola is a great school, I like it, I get to continue in music there, and they also gave me a large scholarship. But maybe if I would've done something I was supposed to do instead of just denying the fact that I was growing up, I could be one of the many amazing graduates that come from U of Mich. I just have to say that I have not done any research on U Mich itself. I've just seen the videos and heard the stories about it's long list of graduates.

There is a song from "The Battery's Down" (which just happens U Mich grads created and are featured in, specifically Jake Wilson) called This is Your Life that really kind of hits home (It's about 3:45 into the video).
"Hello. What the F are you doing? Like, woah. What is going on man? It's so your life that you're screwing. Oh, no. Get back on the track, Jack.
[Chorus]This is your life. Yea, it's cliche, but it's all you talk about all damn day. So don't you go now and throw it all away. This is your life. You're gonna be okay."
(The verses and the rest of the song still applies to me, it just isn't as relevant to the the topic at hand. Oh, and shout out to the beastly Courney Wolfson and Nina Sturtz seen in the video. Simply amazing.)


Who knows if what I'm doing is best for me? I guess I won't know until I experience it. Maybe if Loyola is not right for me, I can/will possibly transfer to U of Mich.

Another Rambler

Go with me on this. You have deep, personal stuff/drama going on, and you can't tell anyone. But you have to tell someone. Who is the 1 person you would tell all of this personal stuff to? This person is probably your best friend ever, right? Right.

I think everyone has this person in their life. Except me. I mean I have really good friends that I love and am close with, but none of them I feel I can completely confide my whole self in. [Let me just state for the record that I love my family and my friends. I love them so much. I do not wish to diminish my love and appreciation for them.] I don't know why I feel this way. Maybe it's because I live 30 minutes away from New Orleans and Metairie, a.k.a. civilization. Maybe it's because I keep people somewhat at a distance, or maybe I'm just not being myself at all. I have no idea. Maybe it's all or none of those reasons.

My point is I feel I can't really confide myself to anyone. I don't talk with my family about personal stuff. Why would I? We aren't really close. They barely know me. I cannot keep 1 group of friends that I hang out with every time I want civilization. I am either hanging with the few people I like in Belle Chasse, with my circle of friends from school (which is slowly wasting away into nothing), or with my friend from the show I just happen to be doing. I think maybe my problem is I have no 1 set of friends that I see all the time and can get really close with. Sometimes I need that person I can vent to, cry to (Yes, sometimes I need to cry. I'm human.), spill secrets with, ask questions, be best friends with. Maybe that's what I need, a real best friend. A best friend that will be with me through thick and thin, the good and the bad. I don't know. Maybe I have it, but I just don't realize it.

But hey, maybe the problem is me. I kind of put on a face for my family that I'm fine or that everything will be alright or things don't really affect me, and maybe I am so used to this facade that I use it everyday with my friends. I'm It's probably my fault. These types of things usually are my fault.

Ok. I'm tired of thinking and typing. I definitely feel that blogging helps me feel better. Helps me vent and speak my mind. Also, I'm not looking for pity or someone to be my best friend just because I wrote about it. I just needed to get things out of my head and into the air.

To Do

No, this is technically not a To Do List. This is more like a People I Have to Meet Before I Die List. A couple I might have a story about. If you don't know a person, you should look them up or Google or YouTube them because they are on this list for a reason. These people are not in any particular order.


Annaleigh Ashford. She made her Broadway debut in Legally Blonde the Musical as Margot, on of Elle's best friends and sorority sister. She is now playing Galinda in Wicked in Chicago after staring in Wicked on Broadway.
She's got an amazing voice and vocal range, and she is HILARIOUS! But it goes without saying that she is amazingly talented. I mean she was on Broadway!

I was able to see her and Stephanie J. Block in Wicked when I went up to New York for Mardi Gras. She, of course, was fantastic. After the show, I told my parents to get me a Wicked shirt and that I was going to wait for her at the stage door. I waited, and when she came out, I was so star struck I barely got an autograph. I only got a picture of her because I asked Burt and my mom to take pictures for me. I totally forgot to ask for a picture. Seeing her and being star-struck was well worth the trip. I need to meet her and talk to her before I can check her off of this list.

Kerry Butler. She started out as the original Penny Pingleton in Hairspray the Musical, which she gained a Tony Nomination. She has also been seen in
Bat Boy the Musical (Shelley) and Little Shop of Horrors Broadway Revival(Audrey). She is currently playing Clio/Kira in Xanadu the Musical, which she received her 2nd Tony Nomination. She has also put out a Disney-themed solo CD entitle Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust.




Heidi Blickenstaff. She is the original Heidi from [Title of Show]. She is the show's very talented soprano belter. Amazingly talented singer and actress.

I want to see her and Jeff, Hunter, and Susan in [Title of Show]. I'm sure it is an amazing show.






Sutton Foster. This Broadway starlet received her 1st Tony Award for Leading Actress in a Musical for Thoroughly Modern Millie as Millie Dilmount. She has also been seen as Jo March in Little Women (Tony Nom), Janet Vandergraff in The Drowsy Chaperone (Tony Nom), Inga in Young Frankenstein. Next, she will be seen as Princess Fiona in Shrek, the Musical.

I was lucky enough to see her in Young Frankenstein. She was magnificent. He high kick knocks me off of my feet every time I see it. Unfortunately, after the show, I was not able to meet her when she came out of the stage door. I couldn't find it! I was very upset about not being able to meet her. We went to dinner at Roxie's, which happens to be directly across the street from Legally Blonde, the Musical where her husband, Christian Borle, plays Emmett Forest. I tried to make myself believe that she might meet Christian after each others show somewhere near Roxie's. I got my hopes up a little. Hopefully, I'll be able to meet her when I become a famous Broadway star.

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Yes, I realize that they are all female Broadway stars. Also, I know there is more to the list, but I think that's enough for now. I'm sure there will be a part 2 or something like that.

The Road to Broadway

My horoscope for Tuesday July 22, 2008.
Aquarius : Don't give up. Keep trying, even if things don't turn out the first time. You WILL succeed today. . . I can easily connect that to auditions, movies, and musical theater a.k.a. show business, but I won't spell it out for you because I believe you are smart enough to think for yourself.

I thought the hard part of getting to Broadway was going to be somehow moving away from my family, my friends and my home. I found this difficult because my family is having a hard time understanding that I want (and hopefully will) go to New York City and perform on Broadway. They think I will move and never come back and cut ties with them forever, but I love them no matter what I say.

But while I was in Barnes and Nobles today looking at the theater books, I realized that the road to getting to Broadway is going to be harder than just getting to New York. You have to have an extreme talent for singing, acting, and dancing, often at the same time (Spamalot, anyone?). I feel so unprepared to be apart of the musical theater world. I feel like I am relying on my solely on my talent. I know theater has a lot to do with talent, but I believe that there is much more to it. There is technique, living in the moment, thinking outside the box, being creative, using personal emotion, and all other sorts of things you can learn from classes. These are the reasons I wish I could have gone to NOCCA or would've known about it sooner. Maybe if I could have gone, I could have learned a lot more and could be a lot better than I am now. I feel that I am a damn good singer, my acting is....ok, and I'm an alright dancer. I need more than just what I know now to get far. I need to have more life experiences so that I can use those experiences to drive my acting, like using a very sad memory of an old friend or family member who has died in order to help make myself cry. I need to take dance classes and learn the complicated stuff, like tapping. I need more! I need to fucking amazing! You have to be better than amazing in order to get to Broadway, even to star on Broadway which is my ultimate dream.

Maybe I will follow my own advice and take classes and become amazing. Only time will tell. Hope to see you at the stage door when you come see me star in a Broadway Musical!

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Have you every heard anyone say Broadway with the accent on the "way." Think about it. It sounds weird, huh? What do you think Jamie? I kind of laugh every time I think about the first time I heard someone say that from "It Sucks to Be Us" from Forbidden Broadway. If you don't know it, look it up. Hilarious.

Love...

Let's talk about love for a bit.

Now, I love a few things like Broadway musicals, New York, Sutton Foster, Kerry Butler and Annaleigh Ashford (pictured. Hot blond, isn't she?). If you don't know who they are, you should Google and YouTube them because they are fricken amazing! But these things and people are known and loved by many people. What is the the one thing or person in the world that I can truly love and have all for myself?

I have never been close to any kind of real love, and I only know of it because of the movies. But I think in a way movies, especially Disney movies, have given me a false sense of love. Everyone thinks they are the protagonist who falls in love with and gets the pretty, smart, talented love interest and reaches their dreams or saves the day in the end. I thought this too. Let's just say my life is a movie with me as the protagonist. I know it's kinda lame, just go with me on this. I'm not really worried about saving the day yet or reaching my dreams, but where is my pretty, smart, and talented love interest? I've had some good times with a couple of girls, but none seemed to go anywhere for no reason what so ever. Just for the record, there was one "relationship" that ended because of circumstances outside of our control.

But throughout my life I have seen others enjoy the wonders of love or what seems like something that comes close to love. I'm surrounded by it. My parents are still together since they met in college about 28 years ago. My brother's girlfriend is living with my family, and she and my brother are probably going to get married. Chris has gone through a few girlfriends that he has had somewhat deep and meaningful connections with. Candace and Frosch are the cutest couple ever. Burton and Erika have been together for like 3 years, and their love is what I hope to have in the future.

But why is it that all this love is happening around me? Why does it not happen to me? Why cannot I not find a person who I can truly connect with? Are my expectations too high? All I want is someone who is smart and talented in whatever they do, good looking (it's not the most important thing), who loves me for me, supports me in my endeavors, and will be there for me if I need them. I also want to do the same things for that person. I want to connect with them, like be on another level with them. I want something above everything else in life.
In a way, isn't what we all want just someone for ourselves?

I believe that everyone has a soul mate out there in the world who is subliminally looking for them. I wish everyone will be able to enjoy the effects of love. I believe it is the one thing everyone should experience before they die.

Every time I think about love this quote comes to mind: "The greatest thing you'll ever know is just to love and be loved in return." - Moulin Rouge. Ponder over that for a little while.


Also, I must say that even though I did not really mention them I love my friends: Monique, Burton, Ethan, Janie, Chris, Dani, etc. You all know who you are. I love you!

Is this the end?

Weird title, huh? When I say "the end," I don't mean the end of life, a.k.a. "death." What I mean is the end of this era. The era of high school and adolescence.

It's the middle of July the summer before I start college. Scary thought: growing up, take care of yourself, rely upon yourself, be responsible, the future. I don't know if I am ready for that. How do you prepare for something that major? Like for example, my parents asked me last summer, "Jody, what do you want to do with your life? What do you want to be when you grow up?" I had no idea what-so-freaking-ever No one had asked me that question since middle school. Why didn't you ask me this early while I was spending my free time busying myself with extra-curricular activities rather than think about the future? My friends and I talked our future plans for the first time ever, and apparently, everyone except me and one other person knew what they wanted to do. When the hell did that happen? When did Zach decide he wanted to work for the Hornets or Saints? How did Nick, Erika, and Broc decide they wanted to be doctors? How and when did Burt decide he wanted to be a dentist? (That was so random and out of the blue). How does one person decide on one thing that they want to do for the rest of their life? Do you pick it out of a hat? Then once you come to a decision, how do you know it's the right decision for you? How do you know you won't get tired of it after 5 years or so?
Fast forward to to college. It's a new beginning. You are there alone (I'm assuming). You have to make new friends, and you have to get used to classes, homework, the amount of free time. How do you prevent yourself from cracking under the pressure?

Another thing that scares me is the fact that I don't want the life I have before I go to college to end. It was great. I had loads of fun times. Why should I have to get rid of it? I have this feeling that once college starts and we all go our separate ways, we will make new friends and forget about the life we had before college. It has happened before, like when we went from elementary school to high school. I don't really talk to many friends I had way back then. Almost everyone I consider my close friends from school are going out of state to go to college. The only exceptions are Nick, who will be at LSU and and an hour away from me, and Ian who will be on the campus next door to me, but I doubt I will see him much anyway. Also, Dani and Kyle will be about 3 hours away at ULL, but at least Bylthe will be with me at Loyola. She'll probably be sleeping on the floor of my dorm in between classes. So, while everyone is going their separate ways, I will be home in New Orleans. Compared to every one else, I feel like I am going no where in life. For example, compared to a friend who is moving to Chicago or a certain someone who is moving to New York City. For some reason I feel that moving away is a reflection of future success. Why that is? I have no idea.

Well, here's a toast to the end of an era! And a toast to the future and the mysteries that it holds!


Anything after this point has nothing to do with anything written above:

Courtney is not a mess, even though we both cannot give a definition of a mess. Dictionary. com says it's "a person whose life or affairs are in a state of confusion." Therefore, she is not a mess. At least she is not in my book (or blog).

Also, Jamie is "a wonderful and special person!" Her words. No, but really. She's cool.

Summer Fun?

So, it's the summer before I go to college. You would think I would be out partying, having fun, and soaking in every moment everyday before I head off to the land of constant studying, seriousness, my future, and real life (which is horrifying by the way), but I'm not. What the hell is up with that?

So far this summer I have been a part of the ensemble in a not so great community theater rendition of Cinderella. Some of the casting was weird, but I understood why some people were casted over others (including myself). I was casted to be in the ensemble, and throughtout the show I felt unneeded and useless. I was onstage 3 times for about maybe 20 minutes. There were some good times though: backstage with my friends was great, the "Grande Waltz" was fun to learn and perform, and making faces at and watching my friend, Hayli, sing along with the Prince and Cinderella while we were supposed to be frozen in a magical waltzing possition. So, not all was lost out of time spent there.

I also got a job at a new grill very close to where I live. It isn't too bad. I'm not really "good/best friends" with any of the other waiters or kitchen staff, but I don't consider myself a normal person (like the fact that I love Broadway). So I don't know why I should expect anything normal. Also, my boss loses his temper somewhat easily, which isn't a great feeling when you are the one he has singled out. Otherwise, I think my job is fine. I'm good at serving food, taking food orders, and sometimes putting up stupid bullshit all with a (sometimes fake) smile. Most of the time, the tips are worth staying there. I have learned to empathize for my past and future waiters/waitresses who have or will have to put up with me or my friend's bullshit requests.

Also, I am currently participating in another student-community theater show, Pajama Game. I thought my audition went well, considering all I had to do was sing. The choreographer couldn't come to auditions, so there were no dance auditions as originally planned. I was kinda nervous about the dance audition because it isn't my strongest area of musical theater. So it was it was a relief when they told us there was no dancing that night. I got casted as a "Steam Heat Soloist/Featured Dancer" along with my good friend, Tyler. I'm not disappointed that I got the part because Tyler, Monique, and I will be crazy awesome by showtime, but I'm sure I did a little better than some of the other people who were casted. I also came to find out about a week after the audition that I got casted in my part just because the choreographer happens to be a good friend of mine, and she knows from past shows I have done with her that I can dance fairly well. Rehearsals have tarted, and again I am beginning to feel that I am a bit usless and unneeded. I guess I'm gunna have to wait and see how I feel when we start working on Steam Heat or until it gets closer to showtime.

In my spare time, I haven't really been doing much. I've been watching movies, checking my email, keeping up with facebook/facebook stalking, checking the Broadway websites (Broadwayworld.com, Broadway.com, and Playbill.com), and watching a lot of YouTube.com. I decided a couple of weeks after watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix that I was going to re-read the Half-Blood Prince (book 6) and the Deathly Hallows (book 7). I finished book 6 around Monday, and it only took me about a week. After finishing book 6, I immediately dove into book 7. I am about half-way through it. I just realized about an hour ago that I really get into J. K. Rowling's story. Why? I don't know. I don't usually like reading. This may be beacuse school forced books on me, and the rebellious side of me refused to read and enjoy these books. I think I finished maybe 4 or 5 of the 30 or so books I was supposed to read. I did pass my English and History classes because sometimes I did actually try reading the books. But back to the real topic at hand. Since high school ended, I have gained more interest in reading, but not a whole lot.

I think outside of working, doing shows, and reading that I have seen my circle of friends from school about 3 or 4 times. Idk what the hell is going on with us. I guess we are just unwillingly and slowly drifting apart. None of us will be together next year, except for Burt and Erika (Anyone could've figured that would've happened. All I have to say about those 2 is that they better get married, and I want to be a godfather to one of their many future children). I'm gunna miss our group. Hopefully, we can have a big party or something before we all go our separate ways.

Ok. I think I'm done venting, storytelling, gushing, etc. I apologize if you found this tedious and pointless, but I guess that's my life. If you enjoyed it, stay tuned because I found this rather helpful to me.