Go with me on this. You have deep, personal stuff/drama going on, and you can't tell anyone. But you have to tell someone. Who is the 1 person you would tell all of this personal stuff to? This person is probably your best friend ever, right? Right.
I think everyone has this person in their life. Except me. I mean I have really good friends that I love and am close with, but none of them I feel I can completely confide my whole self in. [Let me just state for the record that I love my family and my friends. I love them so much. I do not wish to diminish my love and appreciation for them.] I don't know why I feel this way. Maybe it's because I live 30 minutes away from New Orleans and Metairie, a.k.a. civilization. Maybe it's because I keep people somewhat at a distance, or maybe I'm just not being myself at all. I have no idea. Maybe it's all or none of those reasons.
My point is I feel I can't really confide myself to anyone. I don't talk with my family about personal stuff. Why would I? We aren't really close. They barely know me. I cannot keep 1 group of friends that I hang out with every time I want civilization. I am either hanging with the few people I like in Belle Chasse, with my circle of friends from school (which is slowly wasting away into nothing), or with my friend from the show I just happen to be doing. I think maybe my problem is I have no 1 set of friends that I see all the time and can get really close with. Sometimes I need that person I can vent to, cry to (Yes, sometimes I need to cry. I'm human.), spill secrets with, ask questions, be best friends with. Maybe that's what I need, a real best friend. A best friend that will be with me through thick and thin, the good and the bad. I don't know. Maybe I have it, but I just don't realize it.
But hey, maybe the problem is me. I kind of put on a face for my family that I'm fine or that everything will be alright or things don't really affect me, and maybe I am so used to this facade that I use it everyday with my friends. I'm It's probably my fault. These types of things usually are my fault.
Ok. I'm tired of thinking and typing. I definitely feel that blogging helps me feel better. Helps me vent and speak my mind. Also, I'm not looking for pity or someone to be my best friend just because I wrote about it. I just needed to get things out of my head and into the air.
3 comments:
You will definitely find your "person". You might even have one now and you just don't know it, like you said. This may do nothing for you, but know that it helps you identify with your "person" when you're someone's "person" yourself. Just something to think about, you may be that "person" to someone too. You have more people around you than you know. Explore them. We're here for you. :]
So honestly I have felt this way a lot recently so you are NOT the one person that doesn't have that one person. The last time I really felt like I did was in like 8th grade and I am gonna be a senior in college. I hate knowing that I am not talking like my real self in front of someone. I have a shy self, ridiculously outgoing self, and my more regular self. Probably even more than that! Only recently I started feeling like I was finding that person but even that is hard cause we are so busy but she is the person I think to call when I need to chat now. So if I waited for like 8 or 9 years to find one again then it will happen for you :-) P.S. feel free to cry to me if you ever need it, hopefully I will be able to help you with your college drama since I will see you in choir everyday! I may end up crying too...your pain is my pain :-)
Jody, you're not alone on the friend thing. My only real group of friends I have ever and was the chorus, and even then, I was never truly close to anybody. I haven't become close to my parents until about a year ago. I know I have many faults, and no matter how hard I try, I will always have them. Don't be afraid to admit your weaknesses! It helps me tremendously to talk to somebody. I know that you have a friend you can at least spill things onto. We all need to do it. Of course, don't complain all the time, but you know what I mean. I can't say I'm a saint in this area, though, so don't follow my example.
David
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