"Wait! Remember this emotion."

Just felt the urge to blog. It was like a lightning bolt had hit me and told me to blog.

I have not done a legit show in over 9 months. It is killing me. I don't know that I will be able to do a show for another couple months. I don't think I'm doing Children of Eden because none of my friends are doing it. Most of them are doing Lil' Abner with River Region. I don't know that I can wait until July (or something like that) to do a show. I think Michael Lynn is doing Little Shop of Horrors, but I heard that he has already cast it. So there is no chance of me auditioning for it. Also, I think he is doing Into the Woods. That I know I can do and I have a good chance of getting a part (I hope I'm not wrong in assuming so), but I am not sure I can wait that long without busting (or bursting for those English grammar nuts), dying, crying myself to sleep for about a month, etc. I know I sound kind of overdramatic, but I am so serious. I am in such of a need for a show that can work with my schedule that I was singing through a song, and I cried. Yes, the song might have called for it but not in a practice room. I didn't attempt it. I just happened. There was no effort put into it. Maybe I just need a chance to just get everything out of my system, and I feel the only way to do that is to sing some really big, belt-y, emotional (happy or sad) song. Or maybe I just need an emotional cleansing and should just cry. Or maybe I'm just over-stressed because of all the papers I have to write, finals coming up, and the preparations for juries.

Another reason for my jolt. I feel like I am settling again. Education is not performing. Education is not musical theater. Education is my backup. Education is not my main goal. Why is it that my friends can go off and do what they love, but I cannot. Don't get me wrong, I love where I am and (for the most part) what I'm doing. I just feel like I am not doing this for myself. I know that in my heart I am doing this for my family. It took so much energy to get my parents to be okay with changing my major to education. I don't know that they will ever be okay with perform as my career choice. [I wonder what's going to happen when I come out to them.] Fucking hypocritical. They say they support me, but they don't really want me to do it. Then I prove to them I am good enough and that I can do it, and then it fades away. Then I prove myself again. It's like an endless cycle. I know I sometimes lack the determination to get what I want or to do what I want. I need a push because I take that push and I run with it. My parents gave me the push to really get into musical theater by making me join Summer Stages, and I fucking ran with it: it's been 10 years and I want to do musical theater for the rest of my life. I guess they kind of regret that push.

I kind of feel like I'm being left behind. I find that people around me are growing and moving on, and I am just staying in one place not doing anything. I was talking to Courtney earlier, and she has finally figured out how to get where she wants to go. She's actually working on getting things together so she can do it. Then there's Monique. Monique blew me away in Fame! I knew she could sing. I knew she could dance. I knew she could act. But damn! This was her best yet. Every time I think about the show, I think about her belting her ass off in "There She Goes/Fame" or the emotion she gives to "In LA" where her belting is even bigger and better (if you can believe it is possible). That girl is going places. I've told her, and she knows this. I just can't believe she is going to Oklahoma next year to grow even more. I don't know what I'm going to do without her. Then there's all of the graduating NOCCA kids with whom I have grown up and performed. They are all moving on, growing up, getting better, and going places. Why do I feel so left behind? Why didn't I feel this way last semester when I graduated?!

Also, being single is getting to me again. There were 2 separate occasions this weekend that I had my being single thrown in my face. #1. We went to the Howling Wolf to see Blythe's brother's band play.  Standing right next to us are, of course, a drunk couple holding each other and making out. A lot. #2. Tucks was way crowded, and we are standing around drinking and right next to us is a couple drunkenly dancing and making out. OK, UNIVERSE! I GET IT! I'M SINGLE! NO NEED TO SHOVE IT IN MY FACE!!

I'm at that point where I am going to jump on the bandwagon and say "FML." But I resist.

"Wait! Remember this emotion." - 5 points for the show this quote is from. (See! I am such a musical theater nerd. I am made for this business!)

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I've noticed I tend to post videos of women, so I'm breaking that habit now. 

This video I got from Andrew Keenan-Bloger's blog. I'm just going to copy and paste what he said. "Three of my favorite boys from POPPINS, Nick Sanchez, Clark Johnsen & Justin Keyes (yes, that Justin Keyes, we're on tour with each other again!) were fooling around over dinner break and came up with this. They are so stupid/brilliant. I smell a series of youtube videos coming." I believe they are singing a song from Children of Eden.

 This is Adam Lambert performing One Republic's "Come Home" at Upright Cabaret's 2nd annual New Year's Eve Blowout on New Years Eve 2008. Now I'm not a follow of American Idol any more, so I'm not really following Adam. Fortunately, BroadwayWorld is following him and is posting videos of him before American Idol. This performance is so emotional and vocally amazing (but a little overdramatic). Great combo, nonetheless, and great performance.

 

This last video I got from AKB. It is Morgan James, Jake Wilson, Jessica Hershberg and Alysha Umphress performing Britney Spear's "If U Seek Amy" at SUNDAY NiGHT LIVE, a Season 2 Fundraiser for THE BATTERY'S DOWN at Joe's Pub. All of these performers are amazing, but I have to point 2 of them out. First is Alysha Umphress, all the way to the right. Her comedic timing and interpretation is wonderful perfection. Also, her riffs are pretty cool. Last is Morgan James, the blonde all the way to the left. She is beasting up a storm with the crazy high notes and riffs!!  I think these too could give me some lessons on how to riff it out in a classy way. The song is pretty chill compared to Britney's original, but it is still soo good!

BAM!!